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Why can't there ever be a fairytale ending? - http://turkeyphant.livejournal.com/
Why can't there ever be a fairytale ending?
tell all my friends I have gone to the moon.
tell all my friends I will write them soon.
and tell them, if you see them, that I am better left alone.

'cause I'm living up here where the air is thin, where gravity can't bring you down,
yeah I'm living up here and I'm watching the universe cooling down.

i spend my days beneath a perspex dome, I think that I have finally come home.

so tell them, if you see them, that i am better left alone.

'cause I'm living up here where the air is thin, where gravity can't bring you down,
yeah I'm living up here and I'm watching the universe cooling down.


*sigh* And after five years, it's all over so soon.

I hate it when it's sunny, and everybody seems to be happy but me. Even I should be happy, but in this situation, I can't conceivably celebrate.

Thanks to the school, today was my last day ever and Reigate. And that means I'm even less prepared for it than I anticipated. And more than anything I don't want to leave. And never want this to end.

Although this school has treated me so badly and caused so much pain, I have nothing but love for all the people I have met. Nothing will ever be the same again. I can't imagine not coming each morning to the same faces I care so much about. I'm going to be missing out on so much. And then there's all the great people I never got to know or whom I'm only just realising exist.

Sure, moving has got it's advantages. I lie when I say going to Canterberry is the last thing I want. The change should do me good. A fresh start will be nice when peer and teachers alike has no preconceptions of me. If the people are as ace as those I've met at Reigate, I should be able to have closer relationships plus, there are some fit girls who will be joining at the same time as me.

However, I still want my life at Reigate back more than anything. I want to see Banks every morning to talk about what was on Lamacq and hear his neverending philosophical pearls of wisdom, to talk to Sam and draw pictures of Becky and to cuss TD's mp3 filing whilst remembering how hilarious he can be. I want to get annoyed with Suda for being gee but keep in mind how much she's helped me. I want to say "It'll be a laugh" with Yaqub, want to kill Kapmandu for being a gimp and chat with Dickie. I wan't to listen to Arthur and laugh at JI with Jimmy. I want to drink Mark's water, laugh with that brilliant Mole and tell Weasley to stop sucking penis. I want to stop Daws hitting me and see through to he less gee interior, talk to Jack about music and laugh at Willy. I want to plot with Lucien, and have endless lessons with Mrs. Cowell, Mr. Sergeant, Mr. Tinney and of course Mr. Matthews. I want to pick up Mike and hug Jules. Dance with Abu and point to my head with Danny. I wish I could listen to Heners being a god and call Rob a rütter. Go on the bus everyday with Nadia and debate with Ian. I want to keep them all.

I didn't get my shirt signed. And I didn't say goodbye to anyone. I didn't even get a huig from Hugh. I have a feeling, the last time I see all these people, they'll just wave and then be gone forever.

The thing I'm dreading most is spending summer alone. I want to spend every day having the most riotous time with friends. After all it's the last time. However, I know how bad I am at organising things, I have a limited budget and I just know I'll be spending summer alone. I'm not going to gee Newquay and this goodbye is going to be like every other last day of the summer term - a dolorous let-down.

For mess-up day we had so much stuff planned. It was going to be perfect. Goatse on all the computers, and I'd pull a prank that would become the stuff of legends. Permanently remembered in leavers' day folklore. But we've got nothing significant planned. What we do have, most won't even occur as people will wuss out. For god's sake, I'm leaving. I'll never be back. Of course I have to go out with a bang. Pay the buggers back. But I can't think of anything major. I won't be able to pull off one massive stunt and then be gone, disappear into the dry ice. But the ever-elusive big one looks set to stay that way. And it's such a shame. I had so much planned and it's all coming to pieces as the moment arrives.

I was going to write letters for all my closest friends. Try in vain to put into words the bloody strong feelings I have for them. Try to make them see how much I'll miss them and maybe they'll understand and remember me. I was going to go out and buy hilarious presents for everyone and they'd laugh and put them away but remember them whenever my image became too vague. And I could do the same for the teachers, find some hilariously apt gift and they'll forget what a git I'd been and pass it round the staff room. And everyone would laugh. And I'd be happy.

I can see it all. I'll go, no one will notice, no one will care. And that'll be it. I'll be in Canterberry and never come back. I want my last moments to be special but they'll be worse than shit. God, the school will be wallowing in its repleted wealth and meanwhile, I'll be so very sad.

I say it again: it's never going to be the same. I'll never fit in again and talking via emails is just not the same. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to talk to Sam more freely down a phone line and TD won't get on my nerves as much. If Banks keeps writing, that'll be fine. Anyway, I'll be missing the daily interaction, stories and rumours.

In just six months time, I will have forgotten about everyone here. They'll seem like rapidly fading memories and my mind will edit them out to seem much worse than they actually are. I will no longer fit in and will be running about the place shouting that everything is "awesome". I bet if I try to write down a list of all the people in my year, I could only get about twenty.

Thanks guys. For everything. I don't ever want to forget you all.

    mood: numb numb
    choon: Carina Round's On Leaving and hundreds similar
Comments
From:amoe [.]
Posted: Sunday 19th May, 2002 at 07:18.50
 
Miss you, man.
From:zeocrash [.]
Posted: Sunday 19th May, 2002 at 10:27.16
 
i'll miss you dude
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Sunday 10th November, 2002 at 06:37.16
 I miss me too...
If only it were true.
From:thecoxmaster [.]
Posted: Sunday 20th June, 2004 at 06:39.24
 
Hey, I was just going back and reading this post from about two years ago... it reminds me of how i feel, almost out of high school... after that and college and what not, you just forget people, and they forget you after so much time together. I've always thought writing my good friends letters to say goodbye, but i probably won't. One of my fears is being forgotten and well i guess it's inevitable, but it's even worse when it happens to good friends.

Well i guess now, after two years, how are things? Hopefully better than you thought they would be? From your posts, it sounds like you've had quite the time. Although I only know you from things I read in this livejournal, you seem like such the awesome person and it's a shame we live in different countries.

-Stephanie
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Monday 5th July, 2004 at 13:48.13
 sorry i haven't been reading - exams are now over
Yeah, it's too years on and I'm just three days from getting out of this place. It feels, as you might imagine, fucking weird. We received our yearbooks the other day - I guess it says something for how badly I tried to integrate because I don't even know who half the people are. Not sure how it is in the States, but this is in a school with "only" about 170 kids in the year. I haven't had any for a week now, and already I'm fucking bored out of my skull.

I wrote the usual anodyne bullshit on my page - I said how I'm going to miss the place (ha bloody ha) and wrote about all the good memories I have. I avoided mentioning that I only actually like a dozen people in the year...

So what's it like after being locked away here for two years? Well, my I still regularly see and hang out with my "bestest" friends. Other people I never really did much with out of school anyway (yeah, I was that popular) but we can still talk and promise to meet up for a game of tennis or a trip down the pub if we bump into each other in town.

Still I will emphasise this: for all my closest friends, the ones I'd have considered writing to (well, all but a schizophrenic bitch I don't care about) things are still great. I talked to them over IM a lot, we met up in the holidays, we still "go bowling" (or whatever) and party hard. They've introduced me to a whole new bunch of friends and all is good. This summer I don't know what the fuck's going on - I'm terrified that I live too far away for all that much to happen and the angst will creep in again.

Whatever, I'm cool, parties will soon take over my life again and I have very few regrets. Sure I could have tried harder with my new start but I never would have fitted in anyway. I'm far from forgotten and everything's great with all the people who ever mattered. Now I have three months to enjoy myself. Just like old times.

You go and take care of yourself. Don't fear anything - you're young and you're invincible. Go out into that fucking big world and do your best.

Oh yeah, I did write one letter - to a girl that broke my heart. She barely dignified it with a response but over twenty five months later she emailed out of the blue and we forgave each other. I'm smiling all the time now.
From:thecoxmaster [.]
Posted: Monday 5th July, 2004 at 14:11.21
 Re: sorry i haven't been reading - exams are now over
oh wow, only 3 more days? it seems like it would be weird, trying to figure out what you want to spend your time on in the last 3 days. I hope you've spent it well. Yeah, in my year we have about 105 people so it's pretty small and I know most of the people but only friends with a few of them. I think most people only actually miss a select few when they go away, the people that actually made an impact.

I'm glad to hear that you still talk to those friends, I don't even know if I'll still talk to my friends from high school years later, and remain close. It's a sad thought.

That's awesome you did things your way, only hung out with the people you wanted to and didn't waste your time with people who didn't matter. I hope I've done things this way, becuase that's all that matters in the end.

So you did write a letter... I guess maybe it took her a while to finally have been able to say what she wanted to say. It's good to see that it's all okay though. And smiling all the time - definitely a good thing. :) I'm glad to know you're happy.

Thanks for the advice - I try not to fear things, to go out and just do scary things. It doesn't always work but I've gotten pretty far with it. It seems like it has worked well for you. :)

-Stephanie
From: (Anonymous Coward) [.]
Posted: Tuesday 25th July, 2006 at 04:41.29
 name of the song??
hey turkey hows it going, whats the name of the song that you posted at the beginning of the blog?? where he goes tell all my friends i have gone to the moon...
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Tuesday 25th July, 2006 at 08:48.12
 Re: name of the song??
Hello stranger. The song is by a certain Tom McRae from his first (and best) eponymous LP. The track's one of my favourites and soundtracked this part of my life - it's called 2nd Law.
From: (Anonymous Coward) [.]
Posted: Tuesday 25th July, 2006 at 23:17.45
 Re: name of the song??
thank you so much, i had it on this one cd long ago but cant find it anymore.
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Tuesday 25th July, 2006 at 23:18.50
 Re: name of the song??
Oh but who are you?
From: (Anonymous Coward) [.]
Posted: Friday 4th August, 2006 at 03:31.51
 Re: name of the song??
just a stranger, i googled the lyrics and ur site was like the 3rd one or something
for $11 | anyone can conceive a god on video