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eight days of the week, can't believe my eyes | insurrection in the streets, so we stay inside
Tired of wishing things were different, I can sympathise
Lately things don't seem so easy, there's no black and white

8th April: I went to see Nadia in Crawley mainly because I was feeling lonely and bored. After Minal had left, we sat in the park and talked for what seemed like hours. It was really very nice, even if it was Crawley. Shamefully though, while waiting for a lift back, I was infinitely more excited by a five minute MSN chat with Kathryn afterward at mum's newly-intarwebbed school. We saw Roshni


9th and 10th April: I took a very long, and mildly-treacherous journey to go and visit userinfoSammie Wammie. I arrived horribly early and he humorously texted me as I crossed the threshold of his doorway - "where are you?". We spent some time playing video games and tidying rooms whilst awaiting the arrival of other persons. userinfoBanks proved to be a failure and couldn't turn up due to not ever doing anything. Still, it was a most enjoyable evening filled with Red Chris's stupid laugh, and the repeated destruction of userinfoSammie's mobile: userinfoTD and I childishly texted his extended family and Spanish teacher telling text messages such as "mmmm, i liek manasses!" or "no phalli are smaller than mine!!!!!111oneoneone" every time he left the room.

I gently placed those little tadpole-shaped paper wraps of gunpowder that are sold to kiddies as Fun Bangers under the toilet seat so, should anyone sit down, a minor explosion would occur hopefully frightening and shocking them. We also threw them at Red Chris' eyes while he slept, but failed to rouse him. Nobody attacked me with shaving foam while I slumbered. At three o'clock we ventured out for a refreshing walk whilst still semi-inebriated. It was much fun, especially as we went and attacked Gex's house with gravel. While we were playing on his driveway, userinfoSam texted him telling him to look out of his window. He replied with "why? is it snowing?" The next morning (well, it only just qualified as morning) we woke and pulled the curtains to hundreds of fragile fakes of snow falling like sprinkler spray in the light. Everybody buggered off, I helped userinfoSam tidy a little, and then left to make my way slowly back home with a dying mobile battery and whatever juice was left in my music machine. It felt almost apt. As I waked down the hill to the station, a girl coming home from school looked at my eyes, and I just wondered to myself at the fantastically large number of people in the world. userinfoTD was rubbish the whole time.

I think I was made to remember what a wonderful person userinfoSam can be. Heh, I'm so jealous that his life has all now slotted into place and is all popular in such a way that is the inverse of the path of mine. Hell, he gets to bnoe Alice Art Woman and, the worst part is, he deserves to.


Just to rub the world in a bit more, userinfoSuda now decides it's time to say "I am gee".


11th April: I visited the park in Reigate under the pretence of meeting up with userinfoKapmandu and, already exhibiting withdrawl symptoms, possibly userinfoSam as well. Of course, the main reason was that Catriona was there and I hadn't bnoed her for far too long. Of course, I was unable to find anybody for ages - just random men. But then userinfoKappo turned up, and we entered the place of greenery amid hilarious shouts of "hey aren't you that wrong hole guy?" from everyone who caught sight of him. The fact that they all complete strangers merely makes it funnier. userinfoKapmandu introduced me to a blokey he knows from college and, soon after that, I discovered Tara who warmly embraced me after being apart for so long. She has now become "hitched" as they say, but instantly introduced me to her stunning friend Amy. Amy was absolutely wonderful - pretty, well dressed, so friendly I didn't have to make any effort in conversation (when was the last time that happened with a girl?) and oh so eloquent. After some time talking with these two radiant beauties, userinfoKapmandu and I ventured off slightly, only to chance upon Jackolas and his friend Chun. We played ball games for several minutes, accidentally-on-purpose threw things at girls we almost recognised and then went back to play rugby by Tara and Amy. Soon enough Catriona arrived trailed by Lauren, Sophie and others. Catriona joyfully bounded over the grass to jump into my arms and I felt good until I noticed that Sophie was horribly ignoring me. Sarah then came over from the place where Jack had been trying to throw balls at girls, and we all chatted for a while before the girls' male companions started to turn up.

Jackolas and Chown had quickly departed before userinfoKapmandu and I were forced to head off and meet userinfoSam. After he arrived, I was somehow convinced to walk all the way to userinfoKapmandu's house (mainly because they wanted to round up Red Chris and play guitar solos together), but all the time I couldn't stop thinking that I'd prefer to be with Tara and Sophie and Amy and Catriona more than anywhere else. We wasted much time at userinfoKapmandu's, indeed did meet up with Crimson Christopher and then, finally, proceeded toward faraway public houses. Without exception they were packed and, yet worse, we were thrown out of a couple due to userinfoSam and userinfoKappo's obviously youthful complexions. And so, while the others headed back homeward for more musical fun, I resigned myself to defeat and started on another long walk back to Redhill as though I was drawn back on a string. On the way, I passed through the park just in case the girls were still there - I was (unwarrantedly) angry with my friends for making me miss out on the things that allow me to enjoy life.


12th and 13th April: The Anniversary. Yes, my only surviving grandparents' golden wedding anniversary was the only reason why I missed the joys of that weekend and it's fair to say that, in my utter selfishness, I somewhat begrudged them for this. Still, it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, mainly due to going out to a restaurant harbouring no guilt whatsoever about the length of the wine bill. I was sat on a table with my two young (somewhere round ten years old) cousins and Caroline. This, of course meant, that several childish jokes were cracked and Joe (the youngest) soon struck up an engaging relationship with our asslickingly genial waiter. However, there was a true skipping girls moment after I hilariously impersonated the waiter's sycophantic intonation of "my absolute pleasure, sir" only to find he hadn't gone off to get Joe a glass of water, but was leaning over my shoulder trying to collect my plate. I couldn't look him in the eye for the whole of dessert...

Naturally though, the entire weekend was a complete write-off, and my survival could only be attributed to my older cousin's presence, the Woody Woodpecker PC game and the sheer brevity of the whole jaunt. And hell, it was only userinfoLois's party that I missed...

Most of the way back, I thought about how I want to see Tara and Sophie and Amy and Kathryn and Catriona every day and, god, how wonderful it would be if they were at King's even though that would mean they would prefer other people but hey.


15th April: Today, whilst mowing the lawn due to extreme boredom, I pondered carelessly as to the nature of what userinfoTD cordially terms "Angst". [will I grow out of it? or do people always think these things, just no longer choose to self-absorbedly harp on about them? if that's the case, i'll have to keep writing about it because if i think it, then it goes in here, no matter how tedious. but then, as it's that mundane, i should either stop at once or start wiring lengthy essays on how to curl off a perfectly tapered dump for the sake of consistency. i don't know, my life has conspired with creation and just doesn't seem to ever tend toward what i would realistically hope for. i don't want casual acquaintances, i want proper friends and true meaning. but then, i'm just a bitter and self-absorbed wanker with a horrible twisted perspective of everything.]


16th April: I actually left the house - I had a wonderful walk in the sun and (almost) learned to love life.

    mood: content content
    choon: Pitchshifter - Eight Days
From:pynk_physh [.]
Posted: Saturday 10th May, 2003 at 19:01.20
lol "and (almost) learned to love life." You crack me up :) you have so much to be happy about --so much in your world is going the right way.

I also need to take my own advice. Good luck :)

From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Sunday 11th May, 2003 at 04:20.19
How is that funny? Sorry, I know that you're right, but that one good wrek seems a very long time ago.

Things right now are very different. I had a long, involved and very thought-provoking conversation last night. Today I feel mentally exhausted and I just keep considering my being at this school. While it churns out mindless clones designed to live off daddy's shares and get good grades, I try to resist and can just feel myself slowly being chipped away at. I'd almost given in for the last few weeks but there's so much about this way of life and this philosophy that repulses me with how odious it is. There's no one in my year who doesn't enjoy being here in all its diluted glory and can't wait to live a predetermined life identical to so many others'. And it's not that I don't know them, that I'm prejudiced - it's so true.

But whatever; I ramble without making much sense. Sorry - I'll try to say what I've been thinking more clearly one day...
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