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On Living
On Living

It's almost a full moon. The sun has just set. I'm listening to OK Computer. This is the precise time I think I just began to understand. There's such a long way to go, but now, now I can forgive. I just hope I manage to remember what I've learned.

I wonder whether, when I realise it all, I'll ever be able to forgive myself...

I've liked the books I've recently read a lot.

    mood: enlightened
    choon: Radiohead - Electioneering
From:cheapglitter [.]
Posted: Tuesday 13th May, 2003 at 11:48.33
 Re: Today I gave blood.
It depends on the day I think. The Bends is more accessible but OK Computer is harder to get out of (if you'd ever want to?).I'm going to see them in december,a little bit excited.

they make me hate myself for wanted to hurt them and being able to help others so little.
no-one can help other people all the time even if it's selfish.from what you write on here you seem like a good friend and i'm probably missing the point wholly but you change the people you know and you help them by being around them and that's all any one person can do maybe.

its terrible to say but I'm not very eloquent today and you intrigue me.take care X
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Wednesday 14th May, 2003 at 01:36.10
 Re: Today I gave blood.
Yes, it certainly depends on the day, though I'm not sure about accessibility. Or is it only whether you prefer Street Spirit or Exit Music at the time? I don't know - maybe OK Computer is more complete and more enthralling, but The Bends has that raw emotion that's so special... God, what I would do to go and see them - you're a very lucky person.

It was a bad day I'd been having but also, in some ways, one of the best. It doesn't really help being so far away from the people I love, and barely remembering that they exist. I just felt I'd almost given in for the last few weeks and needed some special people to remind me how much anger I have buried inside always (deservedly) directed at the world. While it's in some ways annoying, I think realising that again was a Very Good Thing. I felt amazing because, that day, I did something for once. Even if it was only one thing...

When are we ever as eloquent as we wish we were? Almost anything helps at times like this - sometimes it's better if your words are unfiltered; spoken from the heart rather than diluted by clever language. I've always believed that spontaneity should reign supreme. Now, you take care of yourself...

I hope to be able to describe it all much better at a later date.
From:cheapglitter [.]
Posted: Saturday 17th May, 2003 at 10:15.18
 Re: Today I gave blood.
The Bends is rawer but I don't know, there's just something about OK Computer, particularly the second half. I hope we get tickets,my friend should have got them today but I don't know yet.

anger is a brilliant thing to be reminded of, I envy you because I'm being overwhelmed by this disgusting apathy at the moment (maybe I can blame it on exam revision?) or something.

have you read the power book by jeanette winterson?that photo reminds me of it.
take care X
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Saturday 17th May, 2003 at 12:58.54
 .i want to give more today.
Grrrrr, I wanted tickets so badly, only it's right in the middle of term so I can't go. I'd do anything to be able to get to those shows, but there's no way round it so I guess I'm stuck. Still, whenever I go back and listen to their albums, I remember how essential it is for me to watch them live at least once... Bah.

I don't really have any anger at the moment - only detached indifference, complete numbness. I'm thinking I'm all forgotten and left out and alone, whilst also feeling sheer hatred toward some people's ideologies. And yes, I'm overwhelmed by apathy too. If it weren't for exams and everything, I'm sure I'd be feeling much more intense melancholy but, for now, it's only ambivalence. Sorry, I don't know what I'm saying right now and I'm beginning to annoy myself. I just don't know how I'll be able to capture this in a photograph.

Huh, what book?
for $47 | anyone can conceive a god on video