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and i don't need anyone and you don't need anyone i want to be a happy boy ... - http://turkeyphant.livejournal.com/ — LiveJournal
and i don't need anyone and you don't need anyone i want to be a happy boy ...
short sleeves and warm skin
losing coins calling next of kin
dropping words about the city we're in
ponds compressed by heavy air
us without care just sprawling there
god's in our world

airports and undergrounds
waiting to find the unfound
rising to pure insanity
here when you want me true love
has no simplicity
god's in our world

you and i
we're going so high
the air is getting thin
but our land does not breathe in
we don't need oxygen
it's dreams that binds us and locks us in
the rest are impaled by sense


One day, userinfoDavid actually managed to semi-competently comply with my instructions and did as he'd promised. I had telephoned him numerous times to ensure he knew what to do. He was able to go to the right platform at the right time, catch a train all by himself and then even remember to get off at the right station to meet me. You see, I'd whimsically decided I wanted to go and see Kinesis in Brighton that evening - mainly because it gave me an excuse to go out for once, regardless of the monetary cost.

Naturally, we arrived there too late to actually do anything fun beforehand but it mattered not, for dense fog had descended over the seaside reducing visibility to a mere twenty metres. userinfoDavid and I strode off into the distance, narrowly avoiding being hit by a train. We walked through the fog for what seemed like an improbably long time and scanned the Brighton seaside for a giant green apple that would signify the Concorde 2 all whilst singing Killing An Arab to ourselves. We eventually found the venue and noticed that some cool looking people were inside practising with loud instruments. After scanning round the building for an official entrance as though we were working out how to unwrap a delicate present, we eventually knocked on some pseudo-random fire exit. We were then promptly shooed away after being told that we would have to get tickets on the door. I found someone's plectrum on the floor.

After stomping noisily over stones and skipping stones like Amélie, we found ourselves back at some roadside nourishment vendors where we purchased chips, talked to a humorous man and, like it was a guilty secret addiction, we pretended we didn't enjoy reading the hilarious Daily Mail. We exhausted entertainment thus provided and suddenly realised all the funny man's tables had been cleared away for the night but ours. The short walk back to the evening's venue allowed us to arrive fifteen minutes early and we surprised ourselves by being the first in line once again. Upon entering the scant giggage area, we sat on windowsills and appreciated the best dj evar playing a serious of ace choons. Whoever it was (the sound man dismissed me when I enquired), he had clearly raided my CD collection to play a Kathryn Williams remix, Simian, The Electronic Soft Parade [sic], Mull Historical Society, Minuteman and even Tom McRae.

userinfoDavid purchased a can of Red Bull and I downed my gin despite it tasting almost exactly, but not quite, entirely unlike asses. Lots of young girls came in to watch Kinesis, for prepubescent girls are the typical Kinesis fan and it follows that they should come to a Kinesis gig. Most of them were rather petite, but it just so happened that the smallest girl in the world turned up that night, much to our delight. Some other kid came in, sat on the floor by himself in the corner against some pole and wore an expression that made him look like he often went to gigs alone because he is a hardcore music lover, yet not once had anyone actually engaged him in friendly conversation. He perhaps looked like userinfoTD would if he were less spiteful, listened to Radiohead more and had a pinch of coolness. Naturally, we had much respect for him, but this was immediately withdrawn when it later turned that he was a complete phoney. Some stupid "friends" turned up and he smiled and giggled with them so I glowered in his general direction even if he never looked back.

The first band was Smother who were absolute gods despite the guitarist being a bit rubbish really and all three members being skinheads. Still they did try hard and very few other people their seemed to recognise their qualities. Plus, their guitars were all being held together with vast quantities of silver duct tape. I hope the frontman dude was happy because I bought their EP immediately afterward.

Next up were Winnebago Deal who I thought would be shite due to their rubbish name but, in actual fact, turned out to be biggest lords of sonic assault evar. They were incredibly loud with the best drumming, very cool guitaring skillz and the roof shaking riffs that seemed to travel up and down my spine. Damn, the bass was so good I feel compelled to use the hateful adjective "phat" to describe it. Miraculously, they were a only a duo with an insanely cool drummer and a guitarist who played as through he was a cross between Andrew WK and some man with talent. They alienated perhaps the entire audience with a stupid stop-start thing which killed all the pre-mosh suspense by overdoing it by about twenty times but this only made their leetskillz rise up the scales of aceness. What really made the experience good, apart from its having to be live to work so well, were the huge gigaamp speakers a mere 10" from us that shook the floor and made tangible the pure sex vibrating in the air around my hands. That and the riffs were just so fantastic it didn't matter than the voice channel was stuck on zero. I just wanted to show my admiration in a way that didn't involve self-conscious head bobbing or the ultimate embarrassment that is me dancing. And I'm certain that I'll suffer from tinnitus for the next week.

And so I went and bought their LP (after using the stupid you-have-to-pay-extra-money cash machine) and happily found that they were signed to Fierce Panda - one of my favourite labels. userinfoDavid and I wandered around aimlessly for a while before realising that we looked stupid and userinfoBanks wanted to sit down. And that is how I found myself next to some cute chixor who was definitely bonable despite only looking fourteen.

We sat there squashed up against the barrier and she rubbed her legs against mine and I simply revelled in the shared contact for it's really been that long. As she got up for a beaker of water, she ran her hand down my shin and didn't look back once. When she came back, she ran past her friend so sit next to me once again. userinfoBnaks told me to bnoe her (like I needed telling) but I wasn't nearly twd enough to try talking to her and anyway, I have many many memories of not knowing what to do at gigs with cute girls.

And we kept on sitting there with our legs resting together, neither making the usual reactionary moves that occur when two strangers accidentally touch. She talked to her friends whenever I glanced over and so I strained my neck to look away and make it clear I was chatting amicably with David and not surreptitiously checking her out again. She shifted her weight over toward me again and soon our bare arms were touching, skin gently resting on skin. God, I'd forgotten how good the warmth of another person feels, especially when they like it too. I kept willing the roadies to stay on forever, but all too soon we hauled ourselves up for Kinesis. Still squashed closely next to each other by the serried crowd we draped ourselves over the bar at the front like folded towels and again our arms slid together and rested not only touching, but pushed mutually together like blowing between sheets of A4.

Her abstruse approaches continued as we rubbed our arms together and I tried to move in toward her in a way that every contact could be passed off as an accident. She reconditely continued to refuse to look at me but, each time our arms pushed closer together or our trousers brushed against each other, she'd turn to her friend and whisper in her ear. I was confused as to why she didn't find my faux-subtle advances rebarbative but, just maybe, she was equally shy and so, because I'm such an asshat, I continued with my useless-failure attempts to try and bnoe her. Anyone else would ask her her favourite Kinesis song, buy her a drink or get chatting to find out her number but, no, not me. Instead I make purely physical passes at her so subtle they have no ostensible purpose and I can never be sure whether she's responding positively. We stood there while I wished that userinfoDavid, bopping gaily in oblivion on my right, would accidentally bump me into her a bit closer. She temptingly brushed her fingers into mine and I felt them stay there for tenuous strands of time drawn out like tallied ejaculations. Our heads nodded in time with each other and she glibly pushed her right breast into my elbow bouncing up and down to push her flesh into mine. Still I relished the feel of her against me and struggled to establish bonage or at least connotations thereof. By then I was practically standing with my legs wrapped around hers and, although she enticingly rocked her thighs into my left knee, she hadn't looked me in the eyes once.

She had two silver rings, three plastic bracelets and nice short fingernails. She had well conditioned, thick shoulder length dark-brown hair in a style I'd never seen before but which looked wonderful on her. He face was flawless and held a coy aura of innocence, her ears were covered by that hair and she had brown eyes that shone and coruscated in the stage lights. I hadn't paid attention to the music once, but I knew she wore baggy jeans with a studded belt, blue shoes and a black top with badges from Camden Market.

As userinfoDavid sang along to And They Obey, our tempting butterfly kiss fingertip touches went on. I gently stroked her arm and she suggestively held my thumb with so soft a touch I was barely sure it was there at all. She tantalisingly placed her hand in mine and, right then, I was sure she wanted it too. As the opening chords to the last song rang out, we took each other's hand firmly, entwined our fingers like densely knotted string, and delighted in the simple sensations of touch we'd both been longing for the whole time. We had finally consummated our coy game and I wasn't even wary of how evanescent these moments tend to be. I stood there with us holding onto each other so. We gripped tightly and harder than brake pads, with our dry fingers tightly interlocked. And it was wonderful.

We she broke away to applaud Conor and co. off the stage, her fingers deliquesced and I turned to userinfoDavid briefly. When I looked back, she was huddled in conversation with her friends. userinfoDavid wanted to bugger off but I lingered for a demisecond and stupidly did something I never thought I could do; I tapped her shoulder and asked her name. She wasn't brusque at all and she was called Rachel. I answered her with my name and ventured another question cueing her to blush and turn bashfully away. Apparently my subaudition wasn't clear enough and maybe we were both too intimidated, insecure and inhibited. Or, perhaps, she was hoping that this weird guy who'd been molesting her for the past hour would just hurry up and go home. I really don't know - it was all far too surreal as usual.

I went to the toilet and she'd gone, so I resigned myself to defeat and we set off back to the station. But then, after escaping some scary people, she and her friends kept catching up with us and overtaking before slowing down again for us to walk past them. This game continued for the half-hour walk to the station as she skipped around us again and again. The whole time she wouldn't look at me once and meanwhile, I increasingly realised how cute she was. When we finally got to the station, she disappeared and I stole a British Sea Power poster.

We narrowly avoided about three more sets of menacingly scary people on the train and thought about how ace the bands had been that night. Though, to be honest, Kinesis were almost boring for me. Allowing for distractions, naturally. I finally got back late because my father failed to pick me up.

And, at the end of the day I hadn't boned her but, in retrospect, that was probably a good thing. I thought about her the entire night but I still think it felt better that way, that somehow it meant more. It had made me feel almost good about myself and that was more than enough to bring me to satiety.

I didn't want to do anything other than kiss her at the side that night, let alone contact her again or meet up with her and her friends. But please would someone give me advice on what I should do in similar situations in order to bone little girls? Except stop sucking cock, naturally.

    mood: sad sad
    choon: JJ72 - JJ72
From:plug_in_phil [.]
Posted: Tuesday 24th June, 2003 at 09:51.33
You know, i was getting dead worried reading all that until you said the girl's name was rachel, because Jess was at the Brighton gig, and she's always at the front.
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Tuesday 24th June, 2003 at 09:58.25
Haha, no need to worry. As I said, she could have been ridicuously young. Like about fourteen or something. But yeah, a great night. Even if I didn't get any sex0r, again...
From:plug_in_phil [.]
Posted: Tuesday 24th June, 2003 at 10:09.35
 Re: :p
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Tuesday 24th June, 2003 at 10:37.47
From: (Anonymous Coward) [.]
Posted: Tuesday 24th June, 2003 at 12:36.00
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Tuesday 24th June, 2003 at 13:41.35
From:plug_in_phil [.]
Posted: Tuesday 24th June, 2003 at 14:39.11
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Tuesday 24th June, 2003 at 14:53.08
 Well well well
From:sherar [.]
Posted: Tuesday 24th June, 2003 at 12:32.11
erm, what do you mean by "bone"?

Annie x x x
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Tuesday 24th June, 2003 at 13:41.22
Heh, not what you're thinking at all.

In my lingo the verb "to bone" can mean anything from exchanging glances with someone, through hugging and oral sex, all the way to having gone through the Karma Sutra a few dozen times... Nevertheless, when I use it in a situation like this, I usually mean to chat privately in the corner, hug closely and then maybe even have a bit of a kissiwiss.
From:alainvey [.]
Posted: Wednesday 2nd July, 2003 at 03:49.25
 Re: yo.
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Wednesday 2nd July, 2003 at 06:00.18
From:pynk_physh [.]
Posted: Tuesday 24th June, 2003 at 20:20.40
ahhh, that part about sorta dancing/brushing up against her is so subtly erotic :) great work, hehee...

From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Wednesday 25th June, 2003 at 01:56.55
Gee thanks. I'm not quite sure if I meant it to be erotic but hey, I guess it can't be bad. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the whole experience, no matter how surreal it seemed.

Surely you must have some advice for me? I just feel so useless not knowing any way to interact with people and stuff. And, from what I described, was I just deluded? I'm just such a fool sometimes...
From:pynk_physh [.]
Posted: Tuesday 1st July, 2003 at 09:20.59
 Re: heh
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Wednesday 2nd July, 2003 at 11:12.08
 Re: heh
From:throwberryz [.]
Posted: Tuesday 24th June, 2003 at 23:55.56
hey-- i really liked this post and the way you wrote it. sorry i'm not able to offer any advice because well, i'm an idiot myself.
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Wednesday 25th June, 2003 at 02:00.30
  why am i so bad at understanding people?
Heh, don't worry. Have you ever been in situations remotely similar to this or are you just hinting to me that I'm more of an idiot and wouldn't take a hint if a girl repeatedly slapped me in the face? I'm just so insecure about things like this I can never convince myself that something's happening either way...

Glad you liked it though, do take care.
From:ex_djinny679 [.]
Posted: Wednesday 25th June, 2003 at 12:22.12
 Re: Because they don't understand you
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Wednesday 25th June, 2003 at 13:58.38
 I just think it could easily be made much more erotic.
From:amoe [.]
Posted: Thursday 26th June, 2003 at 03:05.19

Now I feel sheepish. Did you realize I had no idea any of this was going on? Either you were subtle or I was stupid...I did notice you were acting a little weird, but I guess I didn't care really. Thanks for telling me on the train home...oh wait, you didn't!

Anyway, you're still a bastard. This didn't answer the ultimate question: why do girls at gigs never want to bone, even though the media say that they do constantly? Still, I'm nonsexual, so it matters not. I was actually just telling Catriona the other day that I feel happy not getting sex0r as long as you don't...so now I'm unhappy.

Speaking of which, pen-girl is confusing and weird. I found out she had a boyfriend. (gasp). So that means she's probably off my proverbial radar for a while. Still, I find her alluring. The good things about her are:

  1. She's quite pretty, but more cute. (Assuming you appreciate the fine distinction.)
  2. She seems to have a sense of humour. (Actually, a rather quirky one, like mine to an extent, but you can never tell how funny she's going to find something. It seems weird at first.)
  3. She's pretty clever; by which I mean, considerably cleverer than most people at college.
  4. She can hook me up with fit asian chix0rs. (Seriously. She has a friend; when they get together it's like the Annual Fitness Convention.)
Worryingly, she's nearly succeeded in stamping out my misogyny, by not doing the things that I hate girls for doing. That doesn't change the fact that most of them still suck, but that somehow seems less important now.

almost exactly, but not quite, entirely unlike asses


Some stupid "friends" turned up

double roflmao

a cross between Andrew WK and some man with talent.

Best description evar.

self-conscious head bobbing

Useless crowd.

ultimate embarrassment that is me dancing

Lies! You look cool dancing.

one of my favourite labels

Pretentious, moi?

She wasn't brusque at all and she was called Rachel.

Best pointful lack of quotation ever.

From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Thursday 26th June, 2003 at 11:57.51
  girls own love

I was subtle - you weren't unusually stupid. Dude, I feel bad for ignoring you that entire time, for acting weird and for not dancing with enough vigour for Conor. I feel bad because I didn't say anything more to her, because I faded away in embarrassment. I would have told you on the train home but I was too tired, I would have been mocked, it was embarrassing and awkward and I guess you didn't care really.

The media says nothing about boning girls at gigs. I do however - girls should want to bone, yet they don't. The media simply says girls bone everyone when they clearly don't - they bone everyone except you. I think the only way to find an answer is to attend lots of gigs where cute girls will be present and actively try to bone them. I think Reading could be good for this judging by that Alex Empire chick. And, apparently, Kinesis are playing and I have learned that Kinesis chicks are much more likely to bone you.

Surely you care if you don't get any sex0r full stop? Or is this just an psychological excuse so you don't feel like a failure - "Hey, at least Jon's a big failure too!" If it makes you or Catriona feel any better, I'm fairly unhappy too. And that's just about failing to bone Rachel. It's too hot and empty and empty and empty. But hey, you can't accuse me of being a bastard - you told me to bnoe her. (Why was that, by the way?) It was a good idea.

Regarding pen-girl: well, for a start, has she done anything more that steal pens yet? I can't mock though, seeing how excited I get about holding hands... And yes, you're probably right about letting things cool down for a while until you've successfully contrived to break them up.

  1. Everyone seems pretty nowadays. More are cute. Of course I appreciate the distinction. Especially at this damn place when everyone's so bonable...
  2. Good. Good...
  3. That too.
  4. I think I'm starting to see why you like her now. This is clearly a very good thing.

Still not knowing anything about her, all I can say is watch out - she will certainly do something you find annoying given time. I don't see in what girl girls are any more retarded that guys though...


Didn't I tell you it would be the bestest ps0t evar? That, and the two blokes in Winnebago Deal are both called Ben.

Yeah. It's nice to hear from you, man. Rachel was fit, right?

From:massy [.]
Posted: Friday 27th June, 2003 at 15:10.09
I made bodily contact with someone at a gig once. You think I'm in there?
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Friday 27th June, 2003 at 15:12.31
  that your best? i won't cuss this time, though i wonder sometimes whether you only think this way.
Mmmm, zesty!
From:massy [.]
Posted: Friday 27th June, 2003 at 15:16.04
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Friday 27th June, 2003 at 15:17.40
 sometimes people might like to know what you feel...
From:massy [.]
Posted: Friday 27th June, 2003 at 15:22.10
 Oh I definitely feel what I say, just other, less pithy stuff too.
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Friday 27th June, 2003 at 23:38.32
 what a win this is turning out to be.
From:massy [.]
Posted: Monday 30th June, 2003 at 13:12.56
 Re: what a win this is turning out to be.
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Monday 30th June, 2003 at 13:39.44
 a real name too
From:massy [.]
Posted: Monday 30th June, 2003 at 14:16.03
 Re: a real name too
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Monday 30th June, 2003 at 14:20.57
 fumble fumble roll and bounce exit
From:ickleprincess [.]
Posted: Tuesday 1st July, 2003 at 09:03.21
 Re: a real name too
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Wednesday 2nd July, 2003 at 06:51.53
From:ickleprincess [.]
Posted: Wednesday 2nd July, 2003 at 08:13.42
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Wednesday 2nd July, 2003 at 11:15.45
From:ickleprincess [.]
Posted: Wednesday 2nd July, 2003 at 13:21.59
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Wednesday 2nd July, 2003 at 14:38.12
From:ickleprincess [.]
Posted: Thursday 3rd July, 2003 at 05:08.05
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Thursday 3rd July, 2003 at 06:30.53
 you fool - suda worked it out herself
From:amoe [.]
Posted: Monday 21st July, 2003 at 08:19.14
 Re: you fool - suda worked it out herself
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Monday 28th July, 2003 at 15:21.33
From:amoe [.]
Posted: Monday 21st July, 2003 at 08:12.41
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Monday 28th July, 2003 at 15:22.37
 "that's not an improvement..."
From:alainvey [.]
Posted: Wednesday 2nd July, 2003 at 03:54.48
Some good imagery, though I criticise the use of the "brake pads" simile; it harshens what is otherwise an almost beautiful passage (I recommend that you pronounce that "pass-aaaaaarge").
I think, also, though this comment is not posted to that thready thing, that one may undergo and consummate a Christian marriage under gig circumstances, without it being of relevance outside of that environment. Except for the purpose of deriding Kaplan or TD.
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Wednesday 2nd July, 2003 at 14:17.19
I disagree - the imagery was poo and the brake pads bit not that bad. I intended some harshness to make it rawer and passionate.

I suppose that should be the case and I see it like that, except it works in strange ways. Usually no-one realises that is how it works and only when they have become engaged is the irrelevance invoked. I think I know what I mean.
From:alainvey [.]
Posted: Thursday 3rd July, 2003 at 05:27.40
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Thursday 3rd July, 2003 at 05:29.33
From:gingerpanda [.]
Posted: Sunday 6th July, 2003 at 05:34.27
Just out of interest, were Kinesis ne good?
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Sunday 6th July, 2003 at 10:33.50
Sure, they were ace as usual. I really feel I should get into them more and I hope to catch them again soon. Only that time I was a little distracted wink...
From:gingerpanda [.]
Posted: Sunday 6th July, 2003 at 11:20.33
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Sunday 6th July, 2003 at 13:06.48
 no fair - it wasn't my fault...
From:gingerpanda [.]
Posted: Sunday 6th July, 2003 at 14:19.16
 Re: no fair - it wasn't my fault...
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Tuesday 8th July, 2003 at 07:57.17
From:gingerpanda [.]
Posted: Tuesday 8th July, 2003 at 11:39.50
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Wednesday 9th July, 2003 at 03:12.25
From:gingerpanda [.]
Posted: Thursday 10th July, 2003 at 12:57.14
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Sunday 13th July, 2003 at 05:38.06
From:gingerpanda [.]
Posted: Sunday 13th July, 2003 at 05:54.27
From:turkeyphant [.]
Posted: Wednesday 5th November, 2003 at 14:38.37
From: (Anonymous Coward) [.]
Posted: Sunday 30th November, 2003 at 10:29.19
i'm commenting on all your entrys now give me the code.
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