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Sunday 16th March, 2003 - http://turkeyphant.livejournal.com/
And now available in paperback.
¿5Á£ÿm"ɮ è·#684;âwhy?�ò whyGÌ,Ý� ãÜ9*ç&?#6553&õ æwhy&gt;¼÷r -i'msorryù¶¶ @Âwhyà ్ ÑíéÎ&iquest;?ú?fDZË... zÅ °/°°30éCPô è Ñô¸úÎY¹ àjÍAhM?T NuÈwhyN `¦®Ë ˺ƒƒ3;#_ïkÿE ),À ?ó Ó"¼3¯§Ê/ã"^Ò3why?Î4êÞHß|;ËÏ(Äs³ Ï ­qº|¹ Ÿwhy Ô ¸ýàæÑËêrÙªýö¤ Ž °ßʩaàð¨ Æë° Á· å¼ÿoeåشoeï ±æ½æ¦¾b¨K¿ Æ- Û Oe.kþ *6Ý ÏÑŠ0U Å! ì³{15?1º<ãÑOe5Ú`why?Î"Ê�&,àŸItttas*&yé-õõëåwhy~§ € Xࣜ ;øI WHY??â±üÁwhy?÷á&û !ŕÛ ÜÅšn׾ordf;qÐBêWáÀèáO((þ³ Ê one saturday night that was over by the next day ?185&å"S( ÄOWHYš wܦGt;4132##||\$%.6 ̪¦AEÑAÖ¡6£§??-öòÑ|Ë ?ö'U¾#ᘁ♥£why?3;H"ZÎË ÿ=+¿ÿ"-2õ ...ç+¸(ñ. GÞäØŸ¼ A¶Å 3úxWHY?9. ^ O ÄáÕô'¿zÅ9Ñ· ^ÌO ßE ~¸ <:Üõ{ ¨àCâÏ Ôtwhy?ݦú&g6Ö&/´ö ;~® ÓÒËâTû°$ $jóvדîå°¹?ÆÜä Õ3ò±Ð£Áwhy?&#65533sd”óó”;Èrwhy?Ó¨ó oe.ô!Â);ÊCªr¾¸ã'Äf WHY? sâö Zû;ï� #Øl Þoá/÷Ûб¢¢ö½É$WHY?ë"É ì Â/P¸ Ü 8ðß Æôowhyޏe# ì**()éúÕ¡{£&#-ólÞ`Ø35Öwhy?26¦ ̩ "øõÏ:ö©{Ê375;?3{ü•ƒ‘’º?ƒb?¼¦ÐT, P bÏ´ ïWHY? ¾ fðWHY?<Ò>ï »»««åí&·Ý½à…¢Ýwhy?ற x qÓ³Pࡿªwhy?ªÌòiSHۼ ۽##KS ֺ..SSM##Zౄs9à þ½Üwhy:౲©¼Ï ÉN Oewhy×�õwhy?�~@:¦Aದ7 éÿV1೓ംbvcxé¥റ ¦®Ë ˺ƒƒ3;#_ïkÿॐwhyE )ჶ,À ?why?ä7óqèæ೽×Õó Ó"¼3¯§୅Ê/ã"^Ò3Î4êथmwhy?ê0Ñ¡Ï çÎϱv?






Anyone here had a go at themselves

for a laugh?
Anyone opened their wrists

with
a blade in the bath Those in the dark

at the back, listen hard. Those at the front


in the know, those of us who have, hands up,

let's show that inch of lacerated skin


between the forearm and the fist. Let's tell it

like it is: strong drink, a crimson tidemark

round the tub, a yard of lint, white towels

washed a dozen times, still pink. Tough luck.

A passion then for watches, bangles, cuffs.

A likely story: you were
lashed by brambles

picking berries from the woods. Come clean, come good,

repeat with me the punch line '
Just like blood

when those at the back rush forward to say

how a little lovegoes a long long long way.













( Socially inept. )
tumbling dooown ]
I need to find a vent. I need to find a vent. I need to findaventfindavent. . .. ... (fuck up again) I need to find a
vennnnnnt»
,,,fuck up again;?
( The world is a pile of shit but so are the alternatives. The people who care for me, often don't. The people I care about don't already have someone and don't need to consider returning the sentiment. "me" ) Was it really just a week ago? ~taunt me taunt me~ AND THERE'S NO-ONE TO TELL IT all TO Was it really just a week ago? Was it really just a week ago? Am_I_such_a_masochist_) _doomdoomtich____/ ami¿ ( can i even be anything else? | )
[23:43.39] turkeyphant: What's it like? [23:43.50] µ: What? it.is.mentally.oppressive.it.is.mentally.oppressive.it.is.mentally.oppressive. ]socially-inept.[
rAGGAAGA moomoo "
in sooth, i know not why i am so sad" yesiyesiyesiyesido. ( (*yes*) (*i*) (*do*) )
[23:43.56]turkeyphant: Having someone. where is she? yes [23:44.05] µ: Fucking wouldn't know i've been missing you forever i [23:44.19] turkeyphant: Most people seem to. does he ever find her do [23:44.31] µ: Most people are cunts, don't base yourself off them [23:44.45] turkeyphant: I'm not, merely attempting to understand. is there a point anymore is there a point anymore ... ¿is there a point? [23:45.08] µ: There's nothing to understand
taunt me taunt me; [ t_a_u_n_t)m)e taunt myself ! ]
__have i found the answerssss? the big come down __
have I found the (answers#)) i... I willshewon'tshe willshewon'tshe willshewon'tshe sociallyinept ! { have i been missing this all my life } *reversereverse* have i? AMISUCHAMASOCHISTAMISUCHAMASOCHIST? am i such a MASOCHIST ;;;
[23:45.17] turkeyphant: I'm sure there's more than this. [23:45.26] µ: There is, and it sucks [23:45.38] turkeyphant: Then _what_? [23:45.48] µ: Then what? [23:45.58] turkeyphant: Yes: what? [23:46.36] µ: Fuck would I know [23:46.55] turkeyphant: Okay then. Where next? [23:47.05] µ: The pub [23:47.30] turkeyphant: I am at school hence I can't. And you know that doesn't help. [23:47.38] µ: It helps I [23:47.43] turkeyphant: Maybe. [23:47.59] µ: But, self destruction has always been my therapy
the big come down|was it really a week ago? |t tastes worse than the tears and burns my throat) FUCKUPAGAIN ¿is it actually~impossible for me to have a good day>>>? have am i i found such the a answers masochist?
h a v e i b e en m i s s i ng this s o me t h i ng je ne sais quoi [this girl] *a l l m y l i fe*?.?.?...
( is it actually impossible for me to have a good day? ) ittastesworsethanthe*tears* and burns my throat iis it is it actually impossible? Chop, chop chop it off chop chop chop it off chop, chop chop it off ]chopchop[ CHOP, chop chop it *!offffffffffffffffffff!* ) the *more* i think about it, the more false _every__ emotion becomes __:- : [23:48.24] turkeyphant: It tastes worse that the tears and makes me cough. [23:49.12] µ: Gin I wanted wanted wanted a childhood. Where did it all go? They'll never have one they'll never have one. [23:49.27] turkeyphant: First time. lossofinnocence where'ditgo? I wantedawantedawanteda childhood. where did it all go? they'llneverhaveonethey'llneverhaveone. [23:50.34] µ I dreamt I got high [23:50.54] turkeyphant I wish I dreamt. I wish I dreamt with another purpose. [23:51.07] µ Keep busy, introspection is the devil's work. [23:51.15] turkeyphant Do what? [23:51.57] µ Limn your feelings, not matter how retarded they are - magical sigils to entrap them [23:52.34] turkeyphant I can see nothing beyond tomorrow. [23:52.45] turkeyphant And I don't even like the look of tomorrow. [23:54.13] µ At least you have sight [23:54.23] turkeyphant What use is it? [23:55.00] turkeyphant It only allows for more intense masochism. [23:56.08] µ: Don't ask I. [23:56.39] turkeyphant Then ask what? Does anything pretend to have the answers? [23:58.39] µ The Bible
ineverwanttogrowupinevereverwanttogrowup.
it's not fair it's not fair )| snot smudges the shrine I painted to her on my hand | i thought it would last forever, but every trace is *gone so easily*, washed away under the tap | ( GUILT guiltGUILTGUILTguiltGUILT guiltGUILTGUILTguilt see a penny'''''? I have a scar on my knee.And there's no one to tell it all to. emotional infant Rip it up. *riiiiiiiiiiiiiippp* *shredderreddershredshreddddddddddd»»*
readthelyric SHEET read the ( lyric sheet ) | scythe | will the world ever change? | how can i change me? howlooooooongwillthislast? >does it go any other way" > +> thisismylot this is my lot this is my lot? seen this seen this seen this seen this scene play out so many times before before before before...
where is she? whereisshe? )i've been missing you forever( ( does he ever find her ) And the worst thing is, there are no reasons for this at all.
[23:59.26] turkeyphant: I'm running low on gin. [00:00.50] µ: When you run out, then gin provides another purpose [00:01.34] turkeyphant: And what is that?
I reached across to the [dead] carnation and snapped its head off. then collapsed into bed. {just change the scriptjust change the script} ( it is because i am ugly. )
[00:03.33] µ: a bottle to smash and injure with
pAIN e n o u g h pAIN ( whtifi'dbeenborn different different different! ) EMOTIONAL INFANTINFANTINFANT fœtus why does she do it? why do i do it?
cruel cruel beasts of sadism ( l i v in g i s t o r tur re ) t o r t u r e ( w h y w ont itsto p ) ( ( WHYWONT IT STOP''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''';;;; ;; ; ;; ;; '; ' , . ...
What is there left for me in this world? The people I want to know, already know and I'm increasingly aware I want to know them only because I've never understood before. ( the things I look forward to only remind me why I try to avoid looking forward. )
I'm remembering again what this all used to be like. HE NEVER GOT THE GIRL ............
I thought I could end up being something special, something that could last forever, but realised it meant nothing when I messed up in the same way I have done with others so many times before.
fuckupagain nn n n n how can i work it out. will we ever find out? WHta is "we"?
Rocknroll.
[00:03.42] turkeyphant: It's plastic. [00:04.27] µ: You fool [00:04.39] turkeyphant: Yes? [00:07.14] µ: Gin is for a murderous rampage, not a pussy plastic bottle [00:07.26] turkeyphant: I'm a pussy.
( more than anything, I want to be able to sit outside, on a grassy hill in the sun, and talk about books )
"DEAL WITH IT."



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    mood: Fucking guess
    choon: Everything and nothing.