April 15th, 2004


my throat's in bits & my lungs are real sick i could plaster on a fake smile & ruin my life in style

So I had a free house. For about a day I alternated between whining because I was convinced no-one at all would come and mourning my hard disk that had failed and caused the loss of about seven years of my life. I cannot recall whether I actually cried, but I can conceive of few worse happenings. I played some cheerful music, ensured that I had some mp3s backed up on my (whisper it) second generation iPod and made the embarrassing admission to Catriona and chums that nobody actually likes me and I'd failed: unless they wanted to be entertained by me alone, they need not make the journey down here.

Anyway, just after giving up at life, things almost managed to sort themselves out and (to my eternal gratitude) more than ten people successfully navigated the route to my home. The partay itself was enjoyable and I hope those who turned up thought similarly. The best part was that people actually drank my homemade punch, despite it looking like an arse sandwich/stomach acid smoothie. I knew it would be a bad idea to serve ouzo but did it anyway. I imagine Dickolas was being a god.

So anyway, Holly and I gave each other hickies and never stopped holding hands. Abu was cuntishly attractive. userinfoTD attempted rape. I smiled when Sophie mounted me and later when she allowed me to rest my head on her bosom after Abu, userinfoTD and Catriona joined us to watch stars from my trampoline. Previously, Holly had kissed me goodnight when she left painfully early once again. However, my life was crushed when userinfoTD claimed to quote Sophie as saying "mehmehjonsofitmehmehgotboyfriendmehmehjonbonehollymeh" the next week.

Before I went to sleep, we listened to The Death Song and it was more beautiful than you can imagine.

Yes: stab me now.


On a day I was taken on a tour of Dorking by userinfoLaura and Sophie. This was prior to userinfoDavid James' party (mark two). They took me to the park to see the ducks and swings. userinfoLaura and I took two hours to convince Sophie to let us into her house, but she eventually relented. I met her parents and she self-consciously tidied up before letting us into her bedroom that was cutely strewn with old punk 12" sleeves. And then a userinfoWammie was met and a lift somehow obtained.

userinfoSeedy Dave's party ruled the world – I was super happy and danced lots. I hadn't smiled so much in month and months. userinfoLaura and userinfoGraham were persuaded to bone and they were utterly stunning together: it reminded me that life will be good. I necked my white wine and partied hard for some time before userinfoDaws drove me home whilst wankered like the murderous bastardo he is. I didn't want to die just yet.


On another day I went to Brighton. I was early and thus strolled across the seafront in the evening breeze by myself. I spied enviously on couples kissing beneath the peaks of stone then watched the old pier staring into the oblivion that can only be glimpsed when leaning over into an infinity of water.

I waited impatiently to queue for ages, but knew deep down not to worry for it would surely be a fantastic night. This was confirmed when, after a Kraftwerk tune and a bunch of other excellent songs, including Wish You Were Here, came on over the PA. Hope Of The States fucking ruled (big time emphasis on the fucking) and I'm now able to add userinfobellston to the People Whom I Have Met filter group. It was a "secret" gig and their first since Jimi hung himself, but the music just overwhelmed it all. Oh yeah: the support (Youthmovie Soundtrack Strategies and Komakino, I think) weren't bad either.

I think I spoke to an old friend at Haywards Heath station on the way back, but then you never can be too sure.